Halfway Done

It's hard to believe that I've already passed the halfway point in the Circuit Riders seminar. My mind has been completely blown and it wasn't until last weekend when I was talking with my mom on the phone did I realize how much I had stepped into the fullness of life God has offered to me. There is yet more that God has for me, but there is so much of this world that I have left behind and so much more of God that I have recieved. My heart is to be fully revived and transformed when I come home. I have confidence that what I have recieved will be sustained, and there will be a constant growth in my relationship with God.

As I look back on the past 3 weeks and think about what God has been teaching me I can see that God's concern is not so much that I learn how to "do" revival...He's reviving ME. He's awakening my heart to His, and I've never felt so alive. I've never been so captivated by His beauty. I've never known His Goodness as well as I know it now. I've never understood what it was like to live in such confidence of who I am and WHOSE I am. I've never known this amount of freedom that comes from laying down entitlement and breaking off defined roles/destinies to be open for whatever God might have in store for me! I've never experienced such joy in repentance! I've never known the simplicity of living with God like I do now. I've never understood the value and freedom of an unoffended heart before being here and LIVING IT. I've never seen so much grace be poured over my life. I've never known such desire to minister to God's heart. I've never known such freedom from shame in my mistakes and sins. I've never known the power of dreaming with God. I've never known my God the way I know Him now. And the best thing of all is that there's MORE.

God is changing my perspective. Well, He already has changed it, but He's helping me view Him the way He is, and not the way I think He is. (If that makes sense.) Like, I've struggled in the past and even now with believing misconceptions about God...like He's mean, judgmental, harsh, critical, unloving, angry, disappointed, insincere, distant. That if I did anything wrong that might jepordize His relaitonship with me. But a few months ago God spoke this name to me: Toban. It means "The Goodness of God." And while a human probably defined the name, God used it to speak to me. He's a GOOD God. And He's been proving it to me time and time again.

For instance. When I here a speaker preach or share some amazing profound wonderful insights I start to get kind of overwhelmed with thoughts such as, "oh man, how am I going to remember all this. There's so much to know. I'll never get it." Really pesimistic thoughts and that kind of puts God in a bad position. Like if I don't learn ALL that's being spoken to me then I'll disapoint God and He'll not want to partner with me in bringing His Kingdom to this Earth. But God showed me this last Thursday that that's not what He's thinking. We had this AMAZING speaker, Ray Hughes, speak at our Ohana (family) Gathering. He's been labeled as a modern-day genius in the area of Revival History, and sound stuff...sry Ray, I don't remember! But it's like he just has it all inside of him and you give him a mic and he just starts pouring out amazing information!!! He spoke for over and HOUR and didn't use notes ONCE! So, sitting and listening to this with my former perspective I would have been VERY down on myself. How the heck would I be able to remember all that? lol Anyways God showed me how I already knew what I NEEDED to know about God. He's real. He loves me. He's with me always. etc. And anything else I get is a gift from God for me to have an opportunity to know Him better!! How awesome is that!!?? God wants me to know MORE about Him!! So if I even just take one thing from Ray as he speaks I will be that richer in my understanding of my Lord who loves me with all of His heart!! Beauty. True Beauty.

I've had to wrestle with the fact that I'm not going to know EVERYTHING about God while I'm on this Earth. There are probably going to be things that I believe that aren't exactly true, and hopefully God will help me out with those while I'm here. But I'm not perfect and my strive for perfection is only holding me back from the greater things that God has for me. Again, Beauty.

I'll give you one more beautiful story. It's a love story.
In my struggles with doubt (which have been completely blasted away by God and replaced with immense amounts of faith) the first week Jesus was relentless in pursuing my heart, and making sure I knew His undying love for me. I was led to read the entire book of Songs of Solomon-basically a love story. One night I was lying in bed and just started talking to God about Jesus coming and dying on the cross for me. I felt like it was more than just a "free gift." There's a response that comes with it, and that response isn't just "thank you, Jesus, you're great." He gave His all so that we could have ALL of Him. There's no lesser response that a life fully devoted to Him, but when one understands the LOVE that is behind the cross (which is what God was revealing to me this night as I talked to Him), then a fully devoted life isn't an obligation-it's a privelage. This mindset is foreign to this world, but it is what we were intended for-a worshipping relationship. Complete freedom and unconditional love through a relationship with our Creator. I'd rather be for Him than against Him...Not only does He holds the world in His hands, He holds my heart. He's infite AND personal-unlike ANY other god this world acknowledges.
Anyways, back to my story...the next morning I woke up and the Lord led me back to Song of Solomon. This time to a specific verse-8:6, "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame." Great verse, also a great song. ("You Won't Relent") Then in lectures the speaker refers directly to this verse as he shares with us the Gospel message in such a POWERFUL way! Seriously, I was undone. I may have been saved again that day. :) When we were dismissed from lectures for lunch I ran to the pray room (I couldn't just go eat lunch I had to RESPOND to this revelation of the LOVE that is behind the cross). I went in, and dropped to my knees to worship Jesus, and literally the moment my knees touched the ground the man playing the piano starts singing the part of "You Won't Relent" that says, "I'll set you as a seal, upon my heart, as a seal upon my arm. For there is love that is as strong as death, jealousy demanding as the grave. For many waters cannot quench this love." I just about died. God could not get any more obvious unless I was hit by a train. lol His LOVE for me is as STRONG AS DEATH!!!!!!! and He's JEALOUS for me! He wasn't going to share my heart with the spirit of unbelief or doubt. I am His and He is mine, and He was fighting for me, and boy did He get me.

Friends and Family, God is moving. Not just in my heart, but the hearts of everyone here. And not just the hearts of everyone here, but many people around the world. The Harvest is ready, but the workers are few. One of our outreach teams is going to the OC in California. We were interceeding for them sometime last week, and later one of our leaders recieved a call from a contact they have there in the OC. They said that something shifted in OC that day-spiritually that is. They didn't even know we were interceeding!!!
This last week we got the pleasure of learning about revival history from Ray Hughes (the genius :)) who was saved during the Jesus Movement; a revival in the 70's. They prophesied over another movement that would be happening in the next generation...30-40 years later...and he testified that he's now seeing that prophesy come to pass. I urge you to pray and ask God what He wants to do in your heart. Does you're heart need reviving?? It's time you took a hold of your inheritance He's given you on Earth as a child of God! It's YOUR'S!

I love you all!!
-Elizabeth